He's Just Not That Into You..Now What? Part I

Thanks to the bestselling book and movie He’s Just Not That Into You, we now know that the many excuses guys give us aren’t worth a grain of salt. You know he’s not feeling you if 1. He makes up a lot of lame excuses for not having the time to call or spend time with you 2.He’s not dating you. 3. He only calls when he’s drunk, etc. Ok, we get it.

After I initially read He’s Just Not That Into You several phone numbers were promptly deleted from my cell. I felt wonderfully empowered and liberated. No more going back and forth wondering if “that dude” is going to call. But then, after that initial surge of power, however, reality kicked it. I’m alone! Now what?
You might be in a similar situation. You have finally kicked Mr. This-Relationship-is-going-nowhere to the curb, may have been recently dumped, or are just tired of the whole dating scene right now. Now what?

Now you buy a pint of cookie dough ice cream, watch Waiting to Exhale 10 times and listen to Jazmine Sullivan’s “I’ll Bust The Windows Out Your Car” until you get ideas. Just kidding!!! But seriously...

Enjoy Time With the Person You Should Love The Most..You!
In the pursuit to find our soul mates, or “boos” we forget about the person who matters most; the one in the mirror. Don’t think of this alone time as lonely, think of it as an opportunity! Finally read that book you’ve been putting off until you had some free time. Go places and do things you want to do without worrying if your man will want to come. Journal, go out, travel. Do you!

Evaluate What Happened in the Past but Don’t Get Stuck There
Take time to think about what happened. Most times it’s not the other person, but our decisions that get us into unfavorable situations. Think about what you will do differently next time, what you will accept and what you will not accept in the next relationship. Then forgive the other person that hurt you and yourself for unwise decisions made and keep it moving!

Don’t Buy Into The Myths
When you have been hurt by a lot of jerks (or just one) along the way it’s easy to buy into the myths that there are no good men out there. We, especially as sisters can be guilty of this. You know, there are no “good” Black men, all “our” men are in jail or gay etc. But this type of thinking will take you nowhere but to the land of Bitter and Still Lonely. Then you close your mind to the opportunities that might be right in front of you. Is it that there are no good men out there or is it that you haven’t been looking in the right places? Are men really all dogs or is it that you keep attracting the same man? There are billions of men that currently occupy space on this planet, so chances are you can find at least one. Above all things, stay optimistic!

Enter each encounter with an open heart and mind
In the words of Iyanla Vanzant, we make the mistake of thinking that every relationship has to last “forever and ever amen”. Enjoy each experience with every guy you meet, and take it for what it is. Every person you meet and every date you go on will definitely not develop into a serious relationship. But what if you meet good friends along the way or people that are fun to hang out with? No relationship or encounter is ever a mistake, so if nothing else, everybody enters our lives to teach us a lesson or reveal something about ourselves we didn’t know. Open your heart and mind to the lesson. Remember it’s always up to you to determine how long a person stays in your life. Evaluate the lesson, reflect and then keep it moving.

Welcome to She's Gotta Have It!

Thank you for taking the time to check out my blog! :) I started this site because I wanted to provide a forum in which we can have open and honest discussions about dating, relationships, sex and having love and respect for ourselves. The name of this blog is an allusion to Spike Lee's first movie She's Gotta Have It which looked at Black men women and relationships from a different perspective and had people talking. I hope to do the same thing with this blog.

I'm not a relationship expert, life coach or guru, nor do I claim to have all the answers. But I have dated, been hurt, met great people and learned a lot of valuable lessons along the way. What I have learned from experience or reading I like to share.

So let's talk, debate, and learn from each other.

Peace,
Neno